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The Musician’s Guide to Facial Hair

Prehistorically, beards were grown for warmth, intimidation, and protection. Today, facial hair can be used to determine which guitar suits you best.

Based on your facial hair, which guitar is right for you?

(a) Gibson SG  (b) Stratocaster  (c) Ibanez  (d) Polka Dot V  (e) Les Paul  (f) Martin D28  (g) Jazz Bass

  1. Goatee. A goatee is like a sad love song – it takes a special kind of man to pull it off respectably. But make no mistake, it can be done.
  2. Long Goatee. This option takes so much moxie, the wearer often forgoes head hair in order to concentrate all efforts to those hardworking chin follicles.
  3. Chops. From Elvis to John Lennon to Wolverine, this look runs the gamut of statements. Also, an affordable way to keep your ears warm in winter.
  4. Beard. The classic full beard can bring sophistication and credibility to faces of all ages, shapes and sizes. It is a decision no man will regret and no woman can resist.  
  5. Mustache. We can only assume that you’ve got at least 99 problems – but a cold upper lip ain’t one.
  6. Soul Patch. The wonder of a beard concentrated below the lower lip. The wearer of this furry little nugget marches to the beat of his own drum, er, slap bass.  
  7. ZZ Top. You best be in a band. Seriously, are you in a band? Because if you’re not, then we are calling the cops immediately.


1.(c)  2.(d)  3.(a)  4.(f)  5.(b)  6.(g)  7.(e)

Chrissy Hansen
Chrissy Hansen